lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
