They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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