I wannas sexs uuuuu
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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