its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
