So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
