We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
