When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
