if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
