Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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