I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
