legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
