are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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