a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
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