Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
