Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
