are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Randomize
