I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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