Buhtt sex?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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