The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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