I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
