Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
