I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
