dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
The Olympian is in my bed
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize