the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
