omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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