Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
