you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
