i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
