walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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