wrigley field is MILF paradise
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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