Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
