i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
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