highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
