There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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