This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
