i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
