found the other keg... it's in the tree
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
