wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
