im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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