with your own penis?
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
