Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
He passed out mid-signature
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
