I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
