I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
