You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
