Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
