We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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