then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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