i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
