So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
