Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
