there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
